From the outside my life looked pretty good—I was accomplished and fulfilled in many ways: Ph.D. from Harvard, career I enjoyed, married with child, family healthy, and great friends—but I was EMPTY inside and FAT on the outside. I recall literally feeling empty—that Alissa had “left the building”—and my internal emptiness was manifested by my external obesity. They were intimately connected. One really.
I had lost the same 50 pounds three times in my adult life, since first gaining it during and after college. It never stayed off longer than a day or two (seriously) before I began to gain it back. Something was NOT working! At 37, I was DESPERATE for a permanent solution. I decided to, with the support of my doctor (so you know it was serious if he was co-signing on it), get weight loss surgery—Lapband was my choice.
I went through the months of counseling and testing required by my insurer and just before I got my final approval, by pure serendipity, I landed in a gym that changed my life. Changed my life totally. I rebuilt myself—from that FAT and EMPTY shell to a new, better, stronger, leaner me—my transformation showed physically, as well as, mentally and spiritually.
I chronicle my journey here—in writing, with photos and most importantly on video. When I began this project—at a size 20—I set a tangible goal for myself, because a number—150 pounds, 175 pounds, or whatever, didn’t mean anything to me—so I choose a SIZE—Size 10 (seemed small to me at the time—I had never worn it!) as my goal. I bought a pair of size 10 jeans and tried them on monthly on video to track my fat loss progress. In about 13 months…it worked, I pulled up those jeans (which began just above my knees!), zipped them up, and buttoned them! A feeling, it is hard to describe, but you can see the joy (and shock) on my face in that episode (link to episode here—new window)!
I hope my journey can be a source of motivation and support to you as you move toward health and fitness. Please reach out if I can support you in any way!
